I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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