There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Randomize
