The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize
