I feel great
I just peed on a car
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
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