If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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