another moral hangover. fuck.
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
