but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Randomize
