You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Randomize
