It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
