I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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