Apparently you make a good broom.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.