Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
