well you can't waste a boner
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
