just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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