this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
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You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
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He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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