stop calling my apartment porn island.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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