Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize