Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Help. Why am I so naked?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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