end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
