She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
