so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
