I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you told grandpa to call you daddy
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
