I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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