and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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