OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
