I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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