Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
