Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
