hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
he fucked my hip out of place.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
