Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
