I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
