First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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