Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Randomize