we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
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