i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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