apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
