When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
