I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
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we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
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You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
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