i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
