I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
