I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
