I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
