I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
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