The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
