so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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