just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
