she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
