just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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