i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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