I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
