Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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