so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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