Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
