No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
