Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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