god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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