He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
