My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
