I wish I could teleport
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
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