dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
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You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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