Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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