Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
