he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You are a genius and a whore.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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