Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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