Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
