god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
what day is it and did you see me today?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think i got beer on your cat.
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