I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
